living the thug life.

I am so lazy, it is ridiculous right now. I have a story to finish and an AP to study for yet I am here in this ridiculous war w/ alex & Teresa which I will never win because they don’t want it to end and am awaiting a reply from thee. 

kouharens:

IF YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME OR WANT TO BE FRIENDS YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR ME BECAUSE IM DUMB AND OBLIVIOUS AND EVEN IF I HAVE SUSPICIONS I WILL PROBABLY JUST BRUSH THEM OFF BECAUSE IM AN INSECURE PIECE OF SHIT WHO DOESNT DESERVE YOUR LOVE„,

(via ofuckitsdat)

can you not?

I hate how my mom’s entire side of the family knows all of my family’s private matters because my grandma lives with us and spread everything. Like the weekend of my birthday, my parents got into an argument, and my mom left the house. & when my mom leaves the house for a day, my dad & I usually don’t freak out because my mom is smart, like she’s not going to do anything stupid, we understand she just needs space to think so we leave it alone. (she’s usually shopping during this time anyway) But my grandma went apeshit, and called the entire family tree and they all came over, and when my mom finally came home they all yelled at her for leaving. & of course she didn’t respond well, i mean she finally got her head cleared and then all these ppl are yeling at her, so she lashed out, she was mad, they were mad. But like, I don’t blame her. Like I get they were there to help, but she’s not a child. She doesn’t need to be told what to do , and she doesn’t need to be yelled at by you guys. So anyway, now they’re all mad at my mom. but bottom line, none of that would’ve happened if my grandma just kept the things going on in my family hush hush. Like all families have problems, but they deal with them privately as a unit, and that’s how we always solved our problems prior to the extended stay of my grandmother. We don’t need ppl coming over telling us how to piece together our family. & then I had to go out and eat with my mom’s side while my parents were at work, and they kept giving me these pity eyes, and it was like. WHY DO YOU PITY ME? because you were at my house on a bad night? because I have a mom that doesn’t like to be treated as child? My family is actually really great, sure we have our low moments, but they get better, and I don’t appreciate your judgement. 

ashamed.

ASB has always had a rep for being selfish, and I’m not going to lie sometimes we are, but it’s usually because we work for it. We get to skip class, because we work, we get free food, because we work. But we get a golf cart because we were given money not earned by us? That isn’t cool, that’s selfish. & I’m most upset with Almeida. He completely ignores the opinions of teacher and treats them as individuals that can not be trusted, as sources we can’t rely on when talking about issues like seating & these golf carts. & it’s ridiculous. He trusts them to teach us but doesn’t trust them enough to take their opinions into consideration? for these teachers to supervise us in the stands? I defend the club from criticism from the speech team all the time, and then the club does this, let’s me down and proves the speech kids right.

breaking point.

I’m done. Like I can’t. I can’t take it anymore. I’m honestly just not good enough. I’m not good enough to write a timed rhetorical analysis essay, I’m not good enough to pass any of my AP exams, I’m not good enough to be accepted into the Pepperdine summer program, I just. I can’t take this anymore, it’s killing me so much. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. Everything I do is just not working out. 

it’s so hard getting over something when it keeps coming back to remind you of it’s existence. It’s so hard to keep cool about it and pretend I’m happy with being alternate, when I don’t understand why I wasn’t chosen. It’s gotten to a point where I simply just don’t understand. This program would’ve been so perfect for my major, I’ve had experience in both leadership and public speaking. I don’t get it. If it truly is because she has a higher position than me, that’s such BS.